muddster

Just saw a really bad movie tonight, Prom Queen, the story of Marc Hall...gag!
It moved sooooo slowly and the acting was bad and the dialogue was soooo laboured. You could tell it was a made for TV movie cause it was cut up into segments and the "dramatic" coloured set lights throughout.


I had my Flamenco dance recital on Saturday, I think it went ok. I'm trying to train myself to naturally have better posture while dancing so when I'm dancing infront of others I can concentrate on what I'm doing and not how I'm doing it cause I probably looked like an ape all hunched over up there. I'll hopefully see the vid taken tomorrow and see how it looks..I didn't fall or really screw up so thats a bonus right?

Funny, just did one of those face attractiveness test thingies that looks at your symetry and such. It said that my nose was too wide for my face and my eyes were too close together and I thought...nose too wide? How do they think that? What is the canon of beautiy that they are using? There are whole races that this tester wouldn't apply to... I'm guessing they are using the sculpted jaw, Arian type of beauty that I certainly don't fall under.

Makes me wonder...What do you find attractive physically in a person...man or woman?

Ello Ello....
I think this is a mixed bag of images.


Shoulders/Knees

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Some people might not see this as a vital concern but I'm losing my ass. I'm losing weight which might be good but I think my ass is a casualty. My jeans are getting too lose :(
I like my ass...I'm scared.

I'm worried about my brother in law and my sister to boot. His dad was rushed to the hospital for a surgery that he might not come out of. He's already in a coma and they need to operate so that took both of them away from my moms birthday and the weekend with my family so they could go to Saskatoon to be with the family. I hope everything goes ok...

In more happy news, my mom's 60th is tomorrow, a whole lot of people will be here and theres a lot to get done. Now that my sister will be gone it's up to me to make sure that all of her h'orderves get made and served...thank whatever it's a tapas potluck so there is lots of food coming.

In the middle of the party I need to skip out and run into town for my Flamenco recital that I HAVE NOT practiced for at all, the past few days has been pretty full and my hip has been bothering me so I haven't gone through the dance at all and it's a real doozie. I'm pretty sure I have all the foot work and the basic arm movements down but I haven't refined anything and of course because I'm one of the few men in the studio Barb the instructor has put me and Carlos in the front of our group when we perform so I won't have anyone to hide behind or watch to make sure I'm not screwing up. I know the people in the audience won't know the difference if I mess up but I, the rest of the dancers and expecially Barb will know...yikes! And the kicker is that I will be missing the rest of the dancing cause right after my set I need to leave and get back to the party and my mom is upset cause she will be missing my performance as well.
Whatever, I am really happy with the progress in my dancing, looking at video from a year ago I know I've have really improved and it makes me super excited to see how I will be in 1, 2, 5 years from now.

Wish me lots of luck.

I forgot about these guys...

OK, I just have to get this out and I just need to spew.
I told myself I wouldn't do this but fuck, I need to rant...
When it comes to my life thus far my live if is whatever... I've actually come to terms with not having "the one" in my life and seriously thats ok, I do realize that the freedom I have is something to be cherished. I know it will come, come on it has to you know. I'm not a young person anymore but still, I know it will come so I'm not going to worry about it. I tell myself hey... 3 years ago you had prepared yourself for a life alone in the closet so just the fact that I've allowed myself to be swept away in feelings is something right?
As for the career/money/art thing. This is the part that gets me. I've lived my life being told I was special. That I had the world on my plate and that I would go far...what happened there? I haven't bought groceries in a month and a half. I was searching the fridge last night just trying to find anything to put in my stomach to stop the hurting and all I could find was a couple of carrots. I'm at the point where I am switching to survival mode. I'm looking at the few things in my cupboards as purely masses of food that will keep the hunger away and who cares about what it tastes like or if its nutritional, I threw nutrition out the window a month ago.
I now have a part time job at a coffee shop making minimum wage, I think I have about 5 shifts this two weeks and I owe everyone money. Rent and student loans is coming up in two weeks and I don't know what to do.
If I asked myself 10 years ago what my life would be like I would have said a house...making my art...living a good life. My life isn't good. I live on probably $800 a month, I haven't worked in two and pretty much I can see the hole I am digging myself into.
I guess you can say I'm scared...that I still have no one, that I'm going to owe my life away and that my future will be made up of trying to catch up rather than getting ahead.
I don't even have a pet for fucks sakes cause my life is "too unstable" to quote myself.
Whatever, I think I have 3 more carrots in the fridge, I have hopefully some money coming in soon from a sale of some old stuff and I guess I could start hocking some furniture if needs be.

Here ya go....
I think I am getting very happy with my progress, I'm learning a ton and thinking more about what I'm doing over all.

If you're interested, the rest of my images are on my flickr account HERE


Black Bird Fly

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I've started watching Jem and the Holograms on youtube...they have all the episodes in little 6-10 minute bites.
I can't believe the storylines of these episodes, the Misfits and their manager pretty much attempted pre-meditated arson, and second and first degree murder countless times.
The best thing is that I like the Misfit's music better than Jem's so does that make me evil?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz4QRB25DSI&feature=PlayList&p=38D0DDC0A7365942&index=0

Anyone on Flickr, I'm having problems uploading and I wanted to know if anyone else is having problems or is it just me?
And if it is me...I wonder why I can't?

Just saw Before Night Falls last night. Amazing movie and story, I didn't know about Reinaldo Arenas but god what a hard life and beautiful movie.
It makes me want to read the book.

In other news my friends bike got trashed by some fucker on Sunday morning, broad daylight on the main street of the city while he was inside having brunch with friends.
I don't believe in capital punishment except for useless fuckers that wreck bikes!

A friend of mine is getting "the shot" today....I'm wondering if I should too...

I'm trying to download a newer version of msn for free but can't seem to find any that work...any help?